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Tithing Under Grace

Needless to say, they have been feeling some frustration and conflict about this comment. Religion and spirituality are complex but important topics in the wake of a loss. Religion can be an incredible comfort in times of loss. Losses can also cause us to question our faith, as we struggle to make sense of the death. And, in cases like the quote above, grief can confuse our feelings about our faith and our faith can confuse feelings about our grief.

There is a whole separate discussion in here about those who grieve without belief in God or an afterlife, but that is a post for another day! What becomes complicated is when one internalizes these quotes and starts to feel that the depth of their grief is somehow reflective of our faith. This can leave believers questioning why they are still feeling the pain of grief, when someone they love is now with God. Grief is our natural reaction to a loss. We feel a deep and aching pain when someone we love is no longer with us.

When someone we love is gone we feel the dozens of emotions that come with grief — sadness, anger, guilt, fear, loneliness, blame and more than I can possibly list. Though faith that someone is in a better place or that you will see them again can be a comfort, this does not remove the pain that the person is gone. It does not change the trauma that can come from watching someone suffer from a prolonged or painful illness. This does not eliminate the anger, blame, guilt, regret or countless other feelings that can come up following a death.

It is not that your grief and your faith should be separate. What is important to remember is that the depth of your grief does not imply a loss of faith. What we are here to say, for all those who have felt conflict that their faith should be enough to eliminate their grief: experiencing grief DOES NOT indicate a loss of faith. When a person of deep faith loses someone, it is important to remember that grief is about their own experience of loss, it is not a pain or sympathy for where their loved one is.

It is perfectly reasonable that one believes their loved one is in a better place, and still to feel overwhelmed with the pain of being separated from them. Further, one can believe in a greater plan, while still experiencing the pain of their absence. It is not selfish to grieve, it is not a loss of faith. Faith communities should be a place of comfort and support in times of loss.

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Thankfully for many they are. But the longer I work with grievers the more I learn that not every faith community brings this support. Some bring judgment and criticism for the emotions of grief, fixating on the idea that grief and faith cannot co-exist.

Some are left feeling their grief has been minimized or misunderstood when they are not allowed to express their grief emotions. If you have felt this way, I encourage you to consider that grieving the separation from someone you love can exist along with a faith that they are in a better place and that you will see them again. If you are not finding the support you need in you congregation, it may be worth reaching out to others with a similar faith background who have also experienced losses.

It is so important to find the people and place that allow you to do that. In case you missed it, here are the words she shared on facebook:.

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I mean, life goes on. The support was utterly amazing. In fact, their lives have kept moving steadily forward with tasks, routines, work, kids, leisure, plans, dreams, goals etc. And some of them are ready for us to go on too. They want the old Rick and Kay back. And I have to tell you — the old Rick and Kay are gone. We will never be the same again. It will remain the grid we pass everything across for an indeterminate amount of time…. I wondered if I was being overly sensitive —so I checked with parents who have lost children to see if my experience was unique.

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Far from it, I discovered. They wore black. And everybody accepted their period of mourning; no one ridiculed a mother in black or asked her stupid questions about why she was STILL so sad. Obviously, this is no longer accepted practice; mourners are encouraged to quickly move on, turn the corner, get back to work, think of the positive, be grateful for what is left, have another baby, and other unkind, unfeeling, obtuse and downright cruel comments.

But too often we end up a 21st century Bildad, Eliphaz or Zophar — we fill the uncomfortable silence with words that wound rather than heal. It will take longer than you think is reasonable, rational or even right. Had experience with grief and faith? Let us know, leave a comment! To make sure you never miss a post, subscribe to get our posts right to your inbox.

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I lost my soulmate 4 years ago to cancer, being a widow has been the hardest journey of my life and I have had a pretty jam packed life so far. I admit I was angry at God for a time but have forgiven myself and asked for his forgiveness and cleansing of my soul regarding it. I will always grieve my husband but I know he is in heaven and doing his work there, I KNOW I will see him again but to me its not soon enough! How does one get back the excitement and joy in life again? I want to find this for my kids and young grandkids but its so difficult. I also struggle with serious health issues and some days I just want the pain and struggles to end.


I never say why me say try me. I belive in you because you have a generation ahead of you just look towards the light more not so hard but just in simple life things. I wake up everyday and do my routine doing what I can do to the best of my ability and that is enough god knows your heart and that also is enough. She was at home when she died, and with her death my whole life crashed before me.

We are followers of Jesus, and even that part of my life fell apart. Stopped going to church, stopped praying, stopped Bible reading. Became very depressed to the point of not caring about anything, the house, myself included. Over did sleep meds and other depressants, a couple times way to much.

WIDOWER Our story of GOD's Grace, Mercy, and Blessings

So here I am today struggling to get my life and more importantly my spiritual life, my relationship with Jesus. Still isolate myself way to much, seems like nothing anymore excites me to the point of wanting to get involved. Although I have offered myself to volunteer with a home health and hospice organization.

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  6. Definitely not as down as I was, but obviously the struggle with grief continues and I am sure it will continue until I get to join my wife in Heaven. We lost our precious 2 year old grandson in March of this year. As a parent, have never experienced the pain of watching my child live through such a nightmare and completely helpless any every way.

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    My daughter is very young and Xander was her entire world. I wanted to carry every ounce of pain for her and her husband because I could not imagine their pain.

    My soul was ripped out of my body and theirs was unimaginable to me. My daughter held him as he died. It was a heart condition that went undetected which lead to a virus entering his heart valves. Cardiac arrest.